Old McDonald had a farm, Ronald McDonald had a burger joint, but Mr & Mrs McDonald had little Jeff & Steve. You know the story, punk rock anklebiters turned pioneering retro-rocker long hairs, something something something, L.A.,tightpants, something fucks famous women, something ??, everyone loves 'em, that kind ?? Deb & Simon (w)rapped with the bubblegum brothers (boom!boom!) during their last legend- Oz tour.

DD: What kind of childhood did the McDonald brothers have?
S: Well, we were still children when we started playing music, which to us was pretty normal. Even now we're pretty normal. (laughs) Well, normal to us. Jeff played baseball, I played soccer. And hated it.
DD: What is something Steve ran do that you can't, Jeff?
S: This is a very Tigerbeat question.
J: Tigerbeat is horrible now. It's very Joey Lawrence oriented. It's not Peter Noone and George Harrison and The Cowsills.
S: But teenybopper magazines used to be really cool coz they were all written by sick and twisted people like Lenny Kaye from the Patti Smith Group..
J: A lot of people who wrote for Cream magazines in the early-70's were at the same time writing for like 16 and Tigerbeat so they voiced all their demented points of view inside articles on Marie Osmond.
S: A Donny Osmond story back to back with Jim Dandy.
DD: We've got a shitload of Tigerbeat questions, I'm afraid.
J: Hey, fire away. We've only been awake 40 minutes so you'll get some good stuff out of us.
DD: Have you ever had a hard-on for a teacher?
J: Oh man! (laughs) I don't know if you would call it a hard-on but I had a tear-her when I was 7 and she used to wear red, white & blue stars & stripes mini skirts, go-go boots and she had long straight blond hair and braces on her teeth. She was very hip and very cool, but I was too young to think of her in THAT way. She was the only teacher I ever had that was remotely sexy.
S: All the teachers in elementary school were all a bunch of old bags. Except Ms. Lafferty was sexy coz she was so strict(sighs).
J: And she had flaming red hair. One teacher both Steven & I had was so drab that all my memories of her are in black & white. That gives you the gist of the kinds tear-hers we had. Actually even though we were like 3 years apart we shared a lot of the same teachers, & I would like cause all the trouble and Steven would have to suffer through my legacy.
S: I definitely had a handicap each year.
SC: Have you ever been back to your old high school since you've been famous?
S: Jeff by accident ended up at his 10th year reunion by accident
J: Yeah, I went to this restaurant to eat in this yuppie beach part of town and this friend of mine goes "You know, your 10th year anniversary is upstairs" so I walked over out of morbid curiosity to look and only ONE person recognised me. It was weird because I couldnt recognise them earlier. I remembered their names but I must've blotted all their faces out of my memory. And they remembered all these "good times" that never really existed. Steve and I recently ran into a teacher we had like 20 years ago in a coffee shop at about 3am after a gig. She had a religious breakdown and she was telling a story of Christ, which was illegal, by cutting out all these black dots and placing them all over her body telling us that each black dot represents the sins on a person's soul and when you go to heaven you automatically get these black dots on your soul. And we're going like "she has really lost it". Her name was Ms. Benedict. Like benediction, you know.
SC: What songs did you play air guitar to as a kid?
S: KISS up until like... well, nothing past 'Love Gun'.
J: It was normal at that time for kids who didn't have any instruments to like make fake KISS concerts for the younger kids on the street. One of my favourite KISS memories was had our orientation to school and all the kids there seemed so much older and cooler. Anyway there was this all-girl KISS band miming 'Deuce'.They had the make up, really cool home-made costumes and REAL GUITARS.
SC: When you met Gene Simons, did he say anything profound?
J: Definitely not.
S: Jeff and I, we've been writing for a magazine in America called RayGun, and we just came up with the brilliant idea of interviewing Gene and Paul, especially on the issue of the tribute album. We were quite confused coz like Gene put together the tribute to himself, basically. A bit like putting together your own surprise birthday party. But hey, that's cool. (laughs) Jeff & I saw Paul Stanley's solo show a few years ago and there were only 200 people there, but he was performing to the people in like, the collonade section of an auditorium or something. Anyway,when we met him, that was a genius night. Sonic Youth played, I think he was trying to woo them to doing a song for their tribute. And he was trying to hit on Kim. He was like "Oh, you are really beautiful.." (laughs) He tried that old school mentality on Kim Gordon! She later told me, "I got the idea he was the kinds guy who'd show up to I the opening of an envelope". It was like someone had briefed him earlier about things to talk about backstage at an alternative concert. So he's talking to Mike Watt of Firehose saying stuff like, "..so I hear that Babes In Toyland are breaking up..". (laughs hysterically) Once in '86 we played with The Bangles, we had a Gene Simmons poster on our bass drum and every time you hit it, his crotch would pulsate. And the ironic thing was he actually turned up and saw that gig!
SC: What influence do you think you've on Sonic Youth?
J: Oh, I dunno. We influenced them into having the same manager. In a business sense, we did. Thurston always says that he was influenced by us when he first started playing music.
S: Thurston was fascinated with the Los Angeles hardcore scene which was really weird coz we never really considered ourselves part of. You know, bands like Circle Jerks and TSOL. He bought our first record and I think he was confused coz it didn't sound ANYTHING like those bands. We had these introductions inside the record, and it said, "Jeff McDonald: the trashiest guitarist this side of the Los Angele's river", which is actually just this aqueduct, and that ONE quote must've been what inspired him.
DD: What's the difference between pop and rock?
J: When I say pop, someone like you understands what I mean, but most people think of Madonna and Joey Lawrence. To me is the really melodic side to rock 'n' roll, like '60s and early '70s music.
S: But that IS rock.
J: No, rock is more like a general term. I think we're cock pop.
S: He considers himself a cock popper.
DD: What album for you best defines rock'n roll?
J: One album, that's not fair. I'd have to say 'With The Beatles', 'Sticky Fingers' by The Rolling Stones..
S: 'Live At Leeds'by the Who, or the first Runaways album.
SC: How high do Redd Kross rate on the rockometer?
J: Does it go to 10? Yeah, definitely a 10 on Most nights. On a bad night maybe 5.6.
SC: Who's the most famous person you've dated?
J: (laughing)That is so unfair!
S: Courtney Love wanted to know how come Jeff only dates famous women.
J: My wife was a former member of the Go-Gos, she wrote all their hits'so I'll say her, Charlotte Caffey. Hey, you can't
help but to date celebrities when you live in LA. But I don't date Hollywood, I only like rockers. And fortunately now there are a lot of great women in rock as there has been from early '80s. So it's been a wonderful period for male groupies. A great selection.
DD: How come Americans say date instead of fuck?
J: (laughs)Yeah, it is a stupid word. I've only been on 1 date in my entire life.
S: They should use the term "lover". (sighs)
J: I would never use that word. It's sick!
S: "Life-mate".. "Partner".. (laughs)
M: So who's your most famous "date", Steve?
S: I took Debbi Petersen to Grad Night, which is the night of your graduation and you go to Disneyland,and they keep
Disneyland open until like 7 in the morning.
J: That sounds like a real date!
S: It was a date. She also went to my prom, but she kept on dissing me.
DD: Out of all the greats we lost last year, from Frank Zappa to Fellini to Bill Bixby. Who will YOU guys Miss the
most?
S: I think we're supposed to say someone like Charlies Bukowski, but I think I miss Telly Savalas more.
J: Robert Redd.. but he's not from this year's selection, is he.
S: Same wi th Steve Marriot and Johnny Thunders..
J: Jerry Molan..
SC: Rob Tyner..
J: All those original seminal punk rockers. All those people are sadly missed, but not like Robert Reed.
S: Especially since he died of AIDS. That was heavy.
DD: When you dance, do your senses tingle take a chance?
S: Oh,definitely. Is that from Dancing Queen, ?
DD: No,you dag. Neil Young,'When You Dance (I Can Really Love).
S: Oh, right! (starts singing all the words)
J: My senses tingle. I don't think I would bother having the energy to dance if they didn't achieve that.
S: When I dance, I relate more to that girl Jenny in 'Rock And Roll'. I dance to the "fine,fine music". (laughs)
SC: In 'Dumb Angel' you mention "candy and a currant bun", so I take it you're into Syd Barrett?
J: Oh yeah! You're the only person to ever notice that!
DD: What do you think Syd's doing right now?
S: What time is it in England?
DD: Just pretend it's 10:20am like now.
S: I think he's having breakfast, and then he'll do something really weird like count the squares in the sidewalk.
J: He's probably doing something very mundane, but very relaxing I hope.
SC: If you found yourself in Cambridge, would you knock on his door?
J: No way. I wouldn't hassle him. People hassle Syd all the time. I have a lot of friends in Austin who see Roky Erickson all the time, and he is VERY strange. He was thrown in a mental institution for stealing people's mail because he assumed they were stealing his royalty cheques. But I hope Syd is having a quiet time.
S: We've met Sky Saxon. We know what it can be like. He did a big clean up job, so last time we saw him he was a little more coherent.
J: It's like Arthur Lee. His performances are still pretty good, but there's someone I 'd NEVER wanna talk to.
DD: Why does Jughead wear a crown?
J: It's not really a crown. It's a soft felt hat. I've seen them before.
S:Yeah, it's kinds like a modern court jester thing.
DD: Tell us about your dark side. You always come across so happy and well adjusted.
S: And you'd like us to shed little light on our dark side.
J: We all practise black magic.
S: No,I'm a white witch. I'm into Wicca.
DD: What's the most violent thing you've done?
S: Jeff used to be quite a violent little kid. Totally.
J: I pushed a shopping cart at Steve as he was rollerskating down a hill.
S: Yeah, thanks. That was very nice. He was really horrible. He used to take cute little cats and gain their trust by
patting them..
J: Shut up right now.
S: And then he would eventually pick them up by their tails, whip them around and throw them into the nearest rosebush.
J: That wasn't me. I was a troubled child. I worship cats now.
S: He's a vegetarian. Not that he ever ate cats .
SC: You. re a vegetarian and you don't drink, right?That's very clean living for a rock'n'roller.
J: Last night we went downtown after we ate and we played arcade games and had an ice cream cone.
S: (laughs) And when we got back we were really tuckered out!
J: That's as far as our rock'n'roll rebellion goes. What we do on stage is too grueling for us to indulge in the
bad stuff.
DD: Do you have any pre-gig rituals, or all gather round saying prayers like Madonna?
S: Stryper did that before Madanna. Actually, Sonic Youth told us Lenny Kravitz makes his band do that fake prayers
bullshit too. All hold hands, get hyped get all pumped.. (laughs)The problem with doing that is it you have a really lousy show you tend to blame God.
DD: Hey,you know on Fantasy Island, was Mr Roark supposed to be the devil?
S: No,he was God.
J: And Tattoo was Jesus.
S: I know Mr.Roarke's God coz in one episode Roddy McDowell was the Devil.
J: He was God coz they always made a point of dressing him in white.
S: maybe he was a white devil into Wicca..
DD: What would be your own personal Fantasy Island scenario?
J: I would like to 80 to Fantasy Island when I'm a really burnt out teen idol who needs to get away from the hustle & bustle.Karen Valentine is a mother of 3 and Stevie Nicks is also an aging rock star who's gone there to Chill out. There's some intrigue about a voodoo curse On the island.For recreation we 90 over waterfalls in barrels and Stevie Nicks is in t danger coz she's Climbed into a faulty barrel so I have to rescue her.
S: The Full House twins have to be involved in it too.
SC: You couldn't fit Tina Yothers in as
Stevie's rock'n'roll daughter, could you?
J: Tina Yothers!Yeah,Tina Yothers; and Courtney Love are both former mudwrestlers who are both on Fantasy Island trying to get away from the whole stripping scene. They realise they make too much money doing it so it isn't as easy to give it up as they thought so..
S: They go to the island to brush up on their typing skills and when they go back to the mainland they get respectable jobs as secretaries.
DD: Do you want bubble gum?
J: Oh, I' 11 have a grape please.
SC: Good choice.
S: (grabbing a strawberry Hubba Bubba)Jim Dandy of Black Oak Arkansas hates people that chew strawberry bubble gum, according to the 1973 edition of Teens Now magazine.
SC: Do you swallow it?
J: I used to when I was a kid but no way would I swallow gum now.
DD: Simon swallows. And he eats toothpaste.
J: You eat toothpaste?! It's so delicious you have to swallow it?
SC: Only if it's Colgate Raspberry.
(Gotta go, us & the guys gotta work out 'Surrender' in 3 keys and fight over the last grape chewie!)

"Top 5 Coolest TV Role Models" by Jeff & Steve (REDD KROSS)
1. Bea Smith
2. Webster
3. Will Robinson
4. Julia
5. Peter Brady
6. Bart Simpson
7. Brenda Walsh
8. Punky Brewster
9. Joe Friday
10. Mary Richards
11. Rhoda
12. Lizzie, Jude Driscoll & just about everyone at Call Block H

By: Deb & Simon